To the emotionally-numb majority..

Close your eyes for a few seconds and imagine that the Florida high school is your entire country, the terrorist gunman is every superpower and a bunch of other armed groups and the shooting lasts years instead of seconds.

What a terrible thing that would be, right? Believe it or not, it actually exists. They call it Syria.

The fact that I had to make this analogy to get people to feel the value human life despite how many miles away it is makes me want to indefinitely throw up at this disgustingly troubled world we live in.

250 deaths, +1000 injured and 400,000 under fire in Ghouta.. CAN WE AT LEAST PRETEND TO GIVE A SH*T!!!! Or is that too much distraction from black panther?


Worth checking out

This man is a youtube icon and a straight up genius. Two things I firmly believed to be mutually exclusive after I accidentally hit the subscribe button on some youtuber dude that goes by “rice gum”.
But seriously, check him out. Life changing.

Observations from God’s personal refrigerator (Cana-duh!) #4


Today, on the 7th of February, science as we know it will never be the same again. Today, God speaks through Montreal, to wake up every rational person with a 3rd grade education who somehow has a brain and believes in science and global warming and have them face the harsh reality that global warming is an illuminati scam (not sure what purpose the word illuminati serves here but it seemed to enhance the dramatic effect so it stays).

Yes, you heard me. Sorry scientists and research institutions with billion figure budgets, all your research has proven useless today. You can go ahead and shred it. In fact, you can just burn it, it doesn’t matter anymore.

People of this planet, today the universe punishes every single one of us for every demeaning chuckle we made and every hilarious joke we cracked on Mr. Trump’s very coherent speeches on that matter (and most other matters). Through the crack between my Iskimo hat and Inuit scarf, at -infinity temperature as I write this, I decalre that Mr. Trump is a God sent saint and has spoken the truth and nothing but the truth with regards to the global warming scammers.

I think we all owe an apology to the tremendous efforts Trump has made in order to deliver this truth to us ignorant glass-half-empty folks despite all the logic, the research and the science epidemic that seemed to have taken over everybody’s brains these days. Thank you Mr. Trump for being, time and again, the one and only voice of reason and for busting those scientists trying to tell me there is global warming while I struggle to feel my nose and feet.

Yeah right.

#trumpforpresident #WaitHeAlreadyIs #okperfect

PS; dear scientists, I’d hate for you to waste the extensive global warming research so you could just name it global colding instead and we’ll call it even 😉 . Tnx

That’s it. I’m headed to the bikini bottom

The fact that you have to go on netflix’s kids section to be able to watch you some SpongeBob is everything that is wrong with humanity today.

Before I spit my gum, pack up and head to the bikini bottom, I have a few words of support to those who share my perfectly normal TV taste and refuse society’s pressure to watch cancerous material such as fox news instead:

My beloved adult SpongeBob SquarePants fans, I have a dream that one day we’ll all stream SpongeBob on our phones and the guy sitting next to us on the bus won’t change seats, that one day, we’ll all appreciate the tremendous value Patrick and Squidward have to offer to mankind without automatically losing credibility in all other life matters. One day we’ll all enjoy this piece of art of a show with dignity.

There’s hope everyone.


Observations from God’s personal refrigerator (Cana-duh!) – #3

You know that feeling when you’re casually walking down the street and you just fall and end up publicly humiliated, with a broken leg, paralysis, brain damage, diarrhea, bipolar disorder and HIV? Yeah, you don’t. Unless you’re one of the lucky few living in Montreal, the freezer section of “God’s personal refrigerator”, ladies and gentlemen.

While the articulated scenario might have been a tiny teensy bit dramatic, hang tight, because I’m about to drop some TOP SECRET knowledge on you.

My friends, *drumroll*

Montreal is secretly the world’s largest ice skating rink at which you’re not allowed skates and you don’t even know it.

A little background for those intrigued by my findings, the city has been designed by a psychopathic iceskating mastermind that finds enormous pleasure in watching innocent people slip on the ice and has ambition to expand his rink over the entire world and increase the span of his tortured victims with poor coordination and a few extra pounds.

So please watch out everybody and let’s all stand together in the face of this heartless vicious monster. Also, you really don’t want to be laughed at 7:30 in the morning when you haven’t had your morning coffee quite yet, let that sink in.

PS; Of course this is all based on experiences of acquaintances. As you know, my coordination level is through the roof and I absolutely don’t slip on the ice twice a day on a regular basis and get laughed at at all. Absolutely not.


Observations from God’s personal refrigerator (Cana-duh!) – #2

Here I am, two weeks of being blown away by the perfection of the great north, only to find out they name the most adorable and delicious dish in Montreal “poutine”.

What did fries and cheese ever do to you?! What’s next? Naming sushi “Mugabe”? Let’s go through the whole wikipedia list of spectacular, prodigious presidents why don’t we? I’m sure trump wouldn’t mind to have the big mac named after him, and have McDonald’s decalre bankruptcy shortly after but that’s besides the point.

This is like Sasha grey filming an adult movie and naming it after your dad.

Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m disappointed Canada.. way to ruin my lunch today.

…And no, your “sorry” is not going to cut it this time. May just need a dish named after me *wink wink*.

Observations from God’s personal refrigerator (Cana-duh!) – #1

To my fellow refrigerated northerners wondering what could possibly have caused two neighboring countries wih seemingly similar populations to end up so different that they model the distinction between heaven and hell for the rest of humanity. Ladies and gentlemen, having recently made a very wise decision of moving up north, I think I might actually have the answer to this eternal baffling riddle..

Americans are canadians undergoing a lifelong overdose on steroids

*Mind blown*

#TheEarthIsFlat #illuminati #TheyFakedTheMoonLanding #GodBless’Murica

I rest my case.